It's a hell of an emotion, isn't it?
It's sneaky, scary and can be hard to break from its grip. But here is something else, once you can distance yourself from your guilt, you will experience a freedom like you never have before.
In the beginning of this series documenting my journey to becoming a health coach, I explained how I went from struggling with filling in the missing pieces in my life to acknowledging that it was my feelings of guilt that were holding me back from actually grabbing those pieces and creating the life I wanted.
And while I won't sugar coat anything and say it was easy to face my guilt in order to move ahead, I will say that actually acknowledging it was the biggest hurdle. Once I was able to see it for what it was, I was able to make clear decisions on my next steps.
One of those next steps, was to employ the help of Kristen & Katie as my health coaches. I knew I had a lot of personal development I needed to get through and knew that their accountability and coaching would help me succeed. As we got started, something else clicked for me.
For a few months since my Chakra Yoga Retreat, I had been contemplating again about attending Institute for Integrative Nutrition (IIN) and receiving my certification as a Integrative Health Coach. When I began speaking with Katie, who also attended IIN, I had a deeper urge to attend and start this new path.
And so one day, I did! I signed up for the program. Sure, there were doubts. Sure, I was worried where I would come up with the money to pay for it (and time to fit studying into my hectic schedule). Heck, I didn't even know exactly what I wanted to specialize in as a Health Coach. But I had a feeling and because I had been working so hard to face my guilt, my intuition was becoming more and more fine tuned.
So I entered the program and never looked back. I learned a lot both about myself as well as health and how to help others over the course that certainly helped me make my next big step (along with the support of my health coaches).
I decided to quit my job.
Now, a forewarning that I don't recommend this for everyone. In fact, my health coaches really worked with my to make sure I was making the right choice and very often in the IIN program you will hear them say to NOT quit your day job just yet.
But for me, I knew I needed to do it.
I was tired. I was unhappy. I wasn't living the life I wanted. I couldn't move forward without letting go of the past.
While I didn't know exactly what I was going to do after leaving, I had a deep belief that I was willing to do whatever it took to make a life I felt comfortable living. And so I had one of the hardest conversations of my life up to that point: I had to tell my boss (who had given me so much opportunity) that I would be leaving.
I cried while telling him.
Not only was this announcement difficult because of where I was currently (good job, great co-workers) but also because it was finally me letting go of an identity I had held onto for so long.
My life was about to change in a drastic way.
In the end, everyone was very supportive of my decision and we agreed on a slow transition plan where I would stay on long enough to find my replacement and make sure everything was taken care of.
And of course, there were nights I would wake up in the middle of the night and think "what have I done?!" but I have learned that even if the practical side of you provides some doubt (and thinks you are going to be broke), when you are deeply attuned to your intuition there is another side that can cast away any doubt.
So here we are today. Almost a year since having that incredibly difficult conversation and almost 10 months since leaving a full-time 9-5 job. In May I received my certification as an Integrative Nutrition Health Coach and have been working to build this new chapter in a way that makes me feel at home.
Of course it's not all perfect but I wouldn't have it any other way.